How to be a Good Human

Dear reader: Please be aware of the presence of sarcasm.


How to be a Good Human

Be busy.
Fill up your schedule with things to do.
Make sure that you are always accomplishing something.
Work is a good way to be busy
Because then you are also earning money.
But you must also be sure to fill up all of your free time.
Classes and activities can keep you quite busy
And volunteering is also an excellent choice.
Don't forget the endless to do list
Necessary for making your life look perfect.
Groceries to be bought; floors to be swept.
Fill up your life so full
That it becomes impossible to do everything.
Then when people ask you how you are doing
You can say, in a tired voice, "I am so busy."
And you can impress them with how much you are accomplishing.
And you won't need to make excuses
For avoiding messy things like relationships and community.

If, by chance, you happen to have some time
That is not filled by your busy schedule
You must be sure to fill it as quickly as possible.
Or, better yet, spend that time staring at a screen.
Movies, video games, and social media are all permissable.
Then you will trick your mind into believing that you are being busy
Without having to physically do anything.
Be so addicted to busyness
That you don't have time to rest.
Then you can ignore that empty feeling inside
And you won't have to ask yourself questions
About trivial things like purpose and meaning.

Be afraid.
Don't try new things or take risks.
Only do things that are safe and familiar
And keep doing things the way they have always been done.
New is dangerous.
And never forget that the world is a scarey place
With disasters just waiting to happen around every corner.
Always know everything that could go wrong
And let that knowledge paralyze you.
Put your safety above all other priorities
And never stop worrying.
Then you won't be caught unaware
And you won't ever have to leave your comfort zone.

Be afraid of people too.
Especially people who are different than you,
Who look different
Or believe different things.
Don't associate with them.
And certainly don't befriend them.
If you must encounter them in some way
Be sure to inform them how you are right
And don't listen to anything they say
Because you already know that your view is the right one.
Then you won't have to go through the discomfort
Of questioning your beliefs and prejudices.

There you have it, my friends.
Follow these simple guidelines
And you will be a good human.
And you won't have to be bothered by doing something significant
And you certainly won't change the world.