Saturday 27 June 2020

Dying Church


Last year I created a painting that I called "Dying Church". Three months in the making, it is the most time-consuming piece of visual art that I have made. I meant to share it here with all of you a long time ago, but life gets busy, and to be honest I was a bit nervous about sharing it. "Dying Church" is meant to be thought-provoking and challenging - not a feel-good piece of art. And that's a bit intimidating! But I also think it is important to raise difficult questions, because that is a part of how we learn and grow. So with that preamble out of the way, I'd love to tell you more about my painting!


"Dying Church" was created as a multi-staged painting, with each stage accompanied by a short poem. To see all the stages and read the accompanying poetry, you can visit my website: leanewinger.com.

I created this painting as I wrestled with the question - Can a church die? How does that happen? And why would God let that happen?

This is the most evident in the walls of the church in the painting. They are literally crumbling and falling down, but no one seems to be noticing or doing anything about it.


The stained-glass windows tell us a little bit about this church. The righthand window symbolizes money, and the window beside it represents safety and security. While neither of these things are inherently bad, they become very problematic when they are idols being worshipped in the church. The centre window has itself been broken. Once, it represented social justice, but a social justice that obscured Christ, and neglected the centrality of what he did on the cross. It is a stark reminder that even good and important things can become idols that turn our hearts away from the One True God.

The accompanying poem ends in a very dark place:

dust rises
choking out the light
lost and empty, staring
into nothing

It reflects that hopelessness that I feel when I see just how broken and apathetic the church can be. But even in this ending, there is a glimmer of hope; a hope that can be seen if we return to the beginning of the poem:

out of nothing
everything
brilliant light
a voice


Because, you see, God can work with nothing. He's done it before. Even if we fail, and all our efforts and good intentions crumble away, that is not the end for God. He can do far more with our nothingness than we could ever imagine. Christ came so that we may have life, and sometimes before we can truly accept that we need to realize how dead we are, how helpless we are without him.


The theme of death and rebirth is found in the second stage of the painting - Nebula. Both the graveyard of dying stars, and the nursery of new stars, Nebulae are hauntingly beautiful, and a reminder that we do not need to fear death, because we know the maker of new beginnings.


Christ's sacrifice reaches even us. No matter how much we have failed, or how much we or our churches are falling apart. That is why we still have hope, because our hope is not in ourselves. Our hope is in our Creator God, who can make something out of our nothingness. Our hope is in Christ our Saviour, who died to give us life.

As a complete work, "Dying Church" is a sobering call for the people of God to wake up, to put away our idols, and to reach out to the hurting and disillusioned world that we have left outside our crumbling walls. It is a call to not turn our backs on the saving work of Christ, but to find our identity and hope in the one who gave himself for us and who can make us new.


Monday 22 June 2020

Angel

Angel with the broken wing,
Was the radiance of heaven itself
Merely the flickering of a fluorescent bulb,
A tarnished halo dimly reflected
In some long forgotten dream?

I loved a mirage.

A room of mirrors - is this the truth
Or another twisted image
Unknowable
Somehow beyond my reach
And fading further away.

Lost in the dark
With faded photographs
And crumbling memories

I want my angel back.

Friday 19 June 2020

Too Much!


There is so much that I want to do! And I don’t mean bucket list kinds of things that I want to do someday, but normal sorts of things that I want to do or work on today.

I want to work on my writing. I want to keep writing the story I have in progress, because I care about the characters so much, and I want to know what happens next! I want to write poetry and journal and process life and all that I am learning. And there are so many other writing projects that I have ideas for—from scripts to stories and more—that I haven’t started yet because I can only have so many projects going at a time! And don’t forget making more content for this blog, my website, and my Patreon, for all of you lovely folks who support my work!

There is also so much I want to learn. With my husband and one of my sisters-in-law I have been attempting to learn American Sign Language, which has been a goal of mine for a long time. I have also been attempting to re-learn the Biblical Hebrew that I learned in college and had all but forgotten. I’d love to be proficient enough to be able to read the text of the Old Testament for myself!

I’ve always loved arts and crafts, and there are several projects cooking in the back of my mind that I’d love to get to. There are some drawing projects (Lord of the Rings/Paw Patrol crossover, anyone?), painting projects (I’d love to make a painting to express my feelings about cancer and death), and even an idea for a comic strip series! I’m trying not to collect any crocheting projects at the moment (though there is that one pattern I’d love to try...), but to my dismay I keep collecting sewing projects, especially to make historically inspired clothing. And besides, I have a whole bag of lovely fabric from my grandma-in-law that is just begging to be made into things!


But all of that doesn’t involve me even leaving the house! Even though I’m not in a situation at the moment that lends itself to hiking, I still love getting outside, and I am trying to go on more walks to enjoy nature and get my body my moving. I have access to a river and a canoe here, and canoeing is something I’d really love to get better at—not to mention that my hubby is a trained paddle instructor, so I really should be taking advantage of that! And one of my sisters-in-law has said I can shoot with her bow any time I want, and I’d love to get better at that too, because who doesn’t want to feel like a badass *insert legendary archer of your choice*? And then there’s HORSES! Just down the street! And I’m allowed to ride them! But I’ve been here three months already and I haven’t even gone yet! How is this possible?

And then, you know, just in general wanting to be more fit and healthy. I’ve managed to start up a fitness routine, which has felt really good. I actually have some semblance of a core for the first time since having kids! But my workouts and stretches aren’t really touching my cardio and endurance, which I’m sure are plummeting, now that I’m not walking or biking whenever I want to go somewhere. Sigh.

And of course I don’t want to neglect my spiritual walk. I started this year with the idea to read through the Bible in a year and the Psalms and Proverbs every month. It may have been a bit ambitious, but I am determined to see it through! And I have really been enjoying spending so much time in God’s Word every day. Then there are other spiritual disciplines too, and I have particularly been wanting to grow in prayer.


And these are just personal goals and projects. There are friendships to maintain, family to enjoy and care for, and a whole world outside of my bubble to care about and try to make a difference in. And don’t forget that daily life still needs to happen! Floors to sweep, meals to make, messes to clean—the list often seems endless!

So what is a woman like I to do, who is constrained to a mere 24 hours in a day? (Especially when sleep is definitely a thing!) How do I choose how to spend these precious moments that God has given me? There is so much in this world that God has given us to enjoy, and I am sure that there is yet more that has slipped my mind as I’ve gone on this excessively long ramble. (Like music! How on earth did I forget about music?!)

But I am thankful. Thankful for this beautiful and exciting world that God has made, and thankful for every day I have to enjoy.