Mommy Moments: Skill Check

Steven: (Tries to trade a less-than-desirable toy for the coveted toy that Kenneth is playing with.)

Me: Roll a diplomacy check.

Mommy Moments: Little Teacher

One year old: (pointing to the moose on his brother's pajamas) Woof! Woof!

Three year old: No! That's a donkey! Hee haw!

One year old: ... Moo!

The Wind

The wind is calling me,
Its siren song echoing across the sky
Catching the trees in its turbulent embrace
Sweeping down from the skies to grace the earth with a kiss
While leaves scuttle and dance down the street.

The wind is calling me,
Winding its way past the pages of time
Pausing by a viewpoint high above the evergreens
Rocky crags surrounded by stunted oak and smooth arbutus
Where the ravens soar and dance on a radiant autumn day.

The wind is calling me,
Beckoning me back to the shores of the sea
Where breakers roar and crash on the rocks
While the wind sends glistening spray skyward
And there is salt in the air.

The wind is calling me,
Sweeping aside the cold concrete of the city
Unveiling a haven where the world is wild and green
I find myself following ancient paths
With wonder and adventure around every bend.

The wind is calling me.

Small Victories

I just had to share my self-care chart from last week. I am proud of myself for being able to check so many things off, especially since it was a very challenging week.

This week already isn't going as well, but I will take whatever small victories I can!

Characters

One of the things I enjoy about role-playing games (like D&D) is getting to create characters. Beyond the "stats" needed to play the game, I enjoy spending lots of time developing their personality and backstory. After I have finished creating a character, the final step is to draw a picture of what they look like.

As a bit of a change from what I usually post, I thought I would share my collection of character portraits!

Thea was my very first character. She has changed a lot over the years and the three campaigns she has been through. She started out as a fledgling bard on a journey of self-discovery, and grew into a highly skilled and confident diplomat and entertainer who presides over her own inn and can hold her own in any fight.

Alexsey is a paladin, created from the premise, "What if Boromir hadn't died, but instead had to roam the world, never returning home?" I created an original backstory for him, but it contains familiar elements, like a good heart, a powerful artifact, and a tragic failing.

Rahel, a mysterious assassin, came to an untimely end in a perilous labyrinth ... or was that really the end of her story?

Nivara, a reclusive wood-elf, is traveling with two rangers to the City of the Dead in an attempt to end the mysterious plague that is destroying their forest.

Amelia Greenbottle is a hobbit grandma who got restless and decided to go adventuring. She may look old and fragile, but she is not an opponent to be trifled with!

Roywyn Ellywick Lorilla Tana Timbers (more commonly known as "Fnipper") has an enthusiasm for life that borders on ridiculous. She may be small, but the size of her vibrant personality makes up for that!

Rosalia is one of eleven children born to a poor "hobbit" family. She loves having fun and enjoying art, but most of all she is determined to be a successful musician.

My newest character, traveling under the name Lander, is the grandchild of a famous dragon-hunter-turned-traitor. After receiving death threats, Lander is trying to lay low, but they cannot escape the festering desire to restore their family's broken honour.

Commission

She wakes early in the morning, catching those few, small moments before the chaos of the day begins.

Her Bible open on her lap, she tries to slow her mind, already racing with the tasks of the day. There is laundry to be done, meals to be made, the endless cleaning of mess after mess. There are broken toys to be fixed, torn clothes to be mended, phone calls to be made, Christmas decorations that still haven't been put away. She hopes she can find time to get outside, to practice her music, to do some writing.

Her mind wanders to her many friends that are struggling. The ones with depression. The ones with anxiety. The ones who have experienced things that no one should have to go through. She thinks about her husband who is feeling unwell and weighed down by stress. She thinks about her children who will soon be waking, filling the house with their endless exuberance, requiring so much love and attention.

She lifts her eyes, whispering to one unseen, "There is so much. I can't do everything I want to do and be everything they need me to be. I need your help. Show me what you would have me do today."

The reply presses deep into her heart:

"Love them."

Mommy Moments: Never a Dull Moment

The most recent development that I have walked in on:

The three-year-old taking mouthfuls of water from his water bottle and spitting them out on the floor for the one-year-old who then sucks the water up off the floor.

...

I feel like there are better ways to give your brother a drink.

The Fire

I thought myself so selfless:
I cared about everyone. I was always willing to listen,
And never held myself back from those that I could help.
But now there is no break, no words of thanks.
Selflessness is both expected and demanded by the little ones I ceaselessly care for.
I realize now just how much I kept for myself,
How much of my giving was really to benefit myself.
I did not know how selfish I was.

I thought myself so patient:
I was imperturbable. No matter what happened,
I responded with grace and fortitude.
But now completing the simplest tasks takes ten times longer than it should.
Little feet stop to smell the roses, even when there are no roses.
I realize now that I was only patient when it was convenient for me,
That hurry is branded on my heart.
I did not know how impatient I was.

I thought myself so humble:
I was content to do my best, even in unseen ways.
I did not need the praise my actions and accomplishments so often received.
But now most of what I do goes unnoticed. My days are filled with the unremarkable,
And the reward of success is merely doing it again the next day.
I realize now how much I find my value in what I do,
That I desperately need approval.
I did not know how proud I was.

Tell me, what purpose has this furnace?
Some twisted penance a thousand times over for every time I considered myself such a good person?
Can I return to my old, comfortable ignorance of my own condition?

Or, perhaps, by God's grace, could this lump of coal one day become a diamond?

Mommy Moments: Johnny Appleseed

Trying to do stretches when young children are present is always an interesting experience. In my occasional attempts, I have been climbed on, sat on, tickled, poked, and generally forced to stop within a very short amount of time.

Here is a new one:

Last time I tried doing my stretches, my one-year-old assumed I was about to sing Johnny Appleseed, and then insisted that I do so.

Mommy Moments: Heart Attack

After being busy with Kenneth for a few minutes, I re-enter the room where Steven is quietly playing.

He is cutting up one of his drawings with a pair of scissors.

Me: Steven, where did you get those scissors?

Steven: By the sharp knives.

I hurry to check that all the kitchen knives are present and accounted for...

A New Year

The turning of the year gives us an opportunity to reflect on the past year and look ahead to the new one. This New Year's Eve, I didn't feel particularly inclined to reflect or look ahead. I was actually feeling pretty gloomy—sitting alone in bed, with nothing but my journal for company. Now, my journal is generally pretty good company, but the muffled sound of fireworks outside, and the social media that I couldn't help but check kept reminding me that it was a night for celebrating, for being with family and friends, for happy memories and new starts.

The contents of my journal from that evening are not particularly cheerful.

But I did take some time to reflect on something that has been on my mind a lot recently—the power of words, specifically the inner words that I say to myself and dwell on and repeat again and again. Lately, my internal dialogue has been pretty discouraging. There's a lot that I'm struggling with, and it's easy to feel like that's just "the reality of life". But while I do believe it is important to be honest about the hard stuff, I also think that I've been focusing on it too much lately, at the expense of being thankful or remembering that God is with me in the mess.

So as I move forward into this new year, I want to be more disciplined about what I let my mind dwell on, and what kinds of things I repeat again and again in my internal dialogue. I know that's a super vague goal that isn't "SMART" (or whatever the acronym is... specific, measurable, whatever), but that is the best that I can do at the moment.

One tangible thing I am doing this year, though, is being a part of a group of people that will be reading through the Psalms over the course of the year, reflecting on them, and sharing our reflections with each other online. I'm really excited for it, and it will one way that I can be filling my mind with God's word, rather than my own worries. You're welcome to check it out too, if that is something that would interest you: A Year in the Psalms

I wish each of you a Happy New Year. Thanks for being a part of my life through this blog.