You're Doing It Wrong

Why is it so easy to feel like everyone is pointing their finger and saying you are wrong?

I was wondering about this the other day.

I was having a very innocent conversation with another mom and she happened to mention that her baby doesn't use a pacifier.

Immediately I was on the defensive.

Is she judging me because I use a pacifier with my baby?  Does she think I am a weakling who needs a crutch to calm her baby?  Is she judging my ability as a mother?  Why is she so "holier than thou"?!

Outwardly, I smiled and nodded, and the conversation went on.

Later, I was pondering what had happened and my inward gut reaction.  Why had I responded like that?  She had just been giving me a piece of information, not telling me what I should be doing.  She doesn't use a soother with her baby?  Good for her.  I use a soother with my baby?  Good for me.  WHO CARES??

Apparently I do.

And I'm guessing I'm not the only one.

Of course, there are some things that parents should really not do when raising their children, but when it comes down to it, the spectrum of acceptable child-raising practices is quite broad.  And different people do it differently.

So why are those differences so threatening?

And I don't think it's just a mom thing.  We can see this tendency all around us.  Not only do we think that people who are different than us are wrong, we think that by being different they are telling us that we are wrong.  But often that is simply not the case.

Perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to assume that other people are judging us.

As a mother, and a human being, I am trying to change the filter I wear over my ears.  Instead of hearing: "This is what I do, and you're doing it wrong", I want to hear what was actually said, which was simply: "This is what I do".

Maybe we will end up having a conversation about why we have each made the choices that we have made; maybe we won't.  Maybe one of us will decide to give something else a try; maybe we won't.  I think that's okay.

It's okay that we are all different.

The world would be a pretty boring place if everyone was the same.