Welcome Kenneth

On Sunday afternoon we welcomed Kenneth Benn Winger into the big wide world!  He made a fairly dramatic entrance, with a pretty slow early labour and then a very quick active labour.  We were at the hospital when he was born, but didn't have a room yet!  We were both doing so well afterward that we were allowed to go home that night.  I've had a lot of help this week, which has been great and has given me a chance to rest and recover as much as I can.  Big brother Steven loves holding "baby" and keeps trying to share his toys and snacks with him.  I love our growing family!

20 Months

Well, we're still waiting for baby Winger to make an appearance, but Steven is 20 months old now so I figured it's about time for some more pictures!  Steven continues to develop his jumping, throwing, kicking, and climbing skills, and now he likes to go down slides all by himself.  If he wants you to go somewhere with him, he'll grab your hand and tug it while saying "beep beep".  He gives kisses, says "night night", and clicks his tongue to ask for music.  My favourite thing that he has learned to say is "eee doh", which means "here you go" when he gives you something.  I am so excited to see what he is like as a big brother.  Any day now!

Ready to go to church

Helping Daddy build our new shed

On the merry-go-round at the fair

Playing in the mud (aka helping Mommy garden)

Family hiking time

Saying hi to baby

What We're Missing

We're missing something.

We live in a culture of affluence and plenty, where the vast majority of us have all we could need and more.  We have conveniences of every kind, entertainment at our fingertips, and food from around the world.  But something is missing.  Something big.  We can see evidence of it all around us.  Even though we think we have everything we need, we feel empty.  We feel lonely, vulnerable, and afraid.  Depression and anxiety have spread like an epidemic.  Whatever it is that we're missing, it must huge!

I think I know what it is.

We're missing connection.  A place to belong, where we are accepted, loved, and cared for.  We're missing a village.

This lack of "village" in our culture is a relatively new phenomenon.  Most cultures throughout history have been village-based, where people live in small communities of families who live, work, and play together.  And as they gathered together, they could talk about their lives and their struggles.  They could get advice, encouragement, and practical help.

Our culture has lost that.  We live within our four little walls, often not even knowing our neighbours. Each family unit is expected to take care of their own needs and to operate independently of everyone else.  But we weren't made to function like that.  We desperately need connection - with God, nature, and other people.

The village gives each person value and a purpose.  There are many people who fall through the cracks of our society.  For example, the elderly people who often spend the final years of their life tucked out of sight in seniors' homes.  For many, that can be a lonely, isolating experience.  But in the village, the elderly had a role.  They cared for the young, watching the children, sharing from their years of experience, and in return they were cared for by the younger generation. 

Now I know that our lives are not completely devoid of human connection.  In fact, some people do have a thriving community around them.  However, that is not the "normal" or the default of our culture.  Many of us feel very, very lonely.  Even though we have "friends", most of the time they are too preoccupied with their own busy life to be there when we really need them.  Knowing people and interacting with people is not the same thing as having a village.

This lack of community affects all of us, at every stage of life.  For me, right now, it is the most obvious to see how it affects young mothers like myself.  My days overflow with the tasks of childcare and homecare.  I often find myself on the verge of tears as I try to clean up a mess on the floor, follow along with whatever game my toddler is insisting that I play with him, get the laundry hung up so we have clothes to wear the next day, and try to make a healthy, timely supper, all at the same time.  I know that there are people out there who care about me and that even might be willing to help if I asked, but most of the time I am too busy and overwhelmed to even look for help.  I need a village, but the task of finding one or making one just adds to my already overwhelming list of things to do.

In the absence of the village, it is the family that has to pick up the slack.  Now family can be and should be an amazing place of support and belonging, but it can't stand the pressure of being our only place of support.  My husband does everything he can to support me, but when he gets home from a long day of work he is very tired.  Sometimes he is able to play with Steven, help with the dishes, or listen to how my day was, but sometimes he can't.  And often I am too tired to provide the support that I know he needs from me.  Having a larger community in our life would help relieve some of that pressure.  Extended family can help, and indeed family has always been an important part of the village, but in our mobile society we often don't live near our families.  Personally, we don't live near either my family or Jesse's family.  They do what they can to support and help us, but the distance makes it challenging.

God's desire for us is that we have a village.  He has even provided one - we call it the Church.  If you think about it, everything that we long for from a village is a part of what the church is supposed to be: a community of people where you can belong and find help and encouragement.  Sadly, the church is often not like that.  Even in churches that seem healthy and open and friendly, something is often missing.  Just like in the rest of society, people are too caught up in their own busy lives.  They smile and shake your hand at church, but then rush home to their jobs and meetings and family dinners.  Church is just one of the things on their to do list, not a real community with all of its messiness, beauty, and commitment to each other.

When we don't have a village, we are left to create one on our own.  And we try.  It's something that is very important to Jesse and me.  We know all too well that we can't manage on our own.  That's a big part of why we like having people living with us, and why we're always inviting people into our home.  But we've found that all too often people are just too busy.  It gets discouraging to keep asking and keep trying.

And I don't think we're the only ones who feel like this.

So what do we do?  I think the best place to start is to be honest - to admit that we can't manage on our own, that we need the help and support of a community around us.  This really goes against the grain of our culture that smiles and says "I'm fine".  It's hard to ask for help.  And asking people to be a part of your life is a very vulnerable thing to do.  They might reject you, or take help and support from you without offering any in return.  But it is vitally important that we take that risk.  Jesse and I are slowly finding a group of people who genuinely want to be a part of our life.  It is a long, slow process, and many of those people have been called to live in other parts of the world and we don't get to see them much.

That's what we are doing.  But just like we can't live alone, we can't build community alone.  It is a task for all of us.  We don't have to accept individualism and isolation as an unavoidable reality.  We can reach out to others and welcome them into our lives.  And if you are one of those people who are blessed with a strong community around you, please open up your eyes.  There are hurting, lonely people all around you who are longing for a place to belong.  Open your hearts and homes.  Together, let's change the "normal".  There is no greater calling than sharing our life and love in the messy beauty of community.

Weakness

Weakness.

It's not something that we like very much. 

We forgive its existence in things that are cute and little, like kittens and babies, but for the most part we look on weakness with a mix of condescension and pity.  Most of all, we can't stand weakness in ourselves.

And it's not surprising.  Everywhere around us it is strength that is praised.  The people who can run the fastest and jump the farthest receive medals and fame.  Those who keep their chin up when life gets tough are inspirational.  The message is clear - don't falter, don't cry, and don't ever ask for help.

Even within the church, strength is placed on a pedestal.  We look up to those great saints who faced impossible odds, who were unshakable in their faith, who faced suffering and persecution with joy and hope.  We aspire to be like them.  We want to be strong in our faith.

I'm weak.

That isn't something that I want as a part of my self-concept.  For most of my life, I would have labeled myself more as "competent", "resourceful", and "talented"... not "weak".  But lately I haven't been able to ignore my weakness.  Most of the summer I've been barely surviving.  My daily tasks were overwhelming, and I felt increasingly exhausted, depressed, and alone.

I don't like feeling weak.

But a couple of days ago I read something that really encouraged me.  I've been sporadically meandering my way through the devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, and the entry for the last day of August was about weakness.  The author writes that God has gifted some with abundant strength, and gifted some with weakness.  Now, weakness isn't exactly the sort of gift that I'd add to my Christmas list, but I was challenged to look at it in a different way, looking for the blessings that come with weakness, rather than the challenges.

Weakness makes me rely on God.  It keeps me aware of my need for him and his presence in each day.  When I'm feeling strong and capable, it's so easy to breeze through my day, doing things my way, without a second thought.  Weakness keeps me coming back to God, asking for his help, and trying to follow his priorities for the day.

Weakness also makes me rely on others.  We are not meant to go through life on our own, but nothing makes that more obvious to me than when I feel weak.  It is because of other people helping me that I made it through this summer.  And it's because of others that I am coping with life right now.  Last week Steven and I both came down with colds.  Trying to care for a sick toddler, while being sick myself, on top of being 39 weeks pregnant and already not coping with life... let's just say it was a recipe for disaster.  But I'm not alone.  I've had so much help this week (especially from my mom and Maria - thank you!) that I am actually feeling more alive than I have in a long time.  When I wake up in the mornings I'm not feeling exhausted, and I actually have a desire to do things and care about things again.

It is hard, and very humbling, to have to ask for help.  We have to fight through the lies that tell us that being weak is bad, that feeling weak means that we are failing.  My friends, it's not true.  Weakness is not failure.  Weakness is a part of being human.  And weakness can lead us to what we need most in life - dependence on our God who loves us, and his presence through the people who are there for us when we need them.

Cloth Diapers: Part 2

If you've ever done any research into cloth diapers, it doesn't take long to realize that there are a lot of options out there, and it can get pretty overwhelming.  Different diapering systems work better for different people, but I thought I would show you the diapers that I use, and tell you a bit about what my cloth diaper routine looks like.

The diapers I use are called "Flip" diapers, which is a hybrid diapering system.  Basically, what that means is that I use waterproof shells, a couple of which are in the picture above.  The diaper shell has a system of snaps that can make it smaller or larger, which means that they fit right from infancy to potty training.  You can use the Flip diapers just the way they are as a swim diaper, but generally you lay an absorbent insert into the waterproof shell to make it work properly as a diaper.  There are lots of insert options that work with the Flip shells, but the ones I use are called prefolds.

A prefold diaper is basically a whole bunch of layers of cotton that have been sewn together so that it becomes very absorbent.  I use Bummies prefolds, and I have them in a small size from when Steven was little, and a larger size that we use now.

Prefolds are folded in thirds in order to fit into the diaper shell.  As you can see from the picture, the prefold is still too long to fit, so you make one more additional fold, which allows you to add additional absorbancy to a part of the diaper.

Since I have a little boy, I fold in the front of the diaper, making it an appropriate length to fit in the diaper shell, and adding absorbancy to the front of the diaper, where it is most needed.

Then the insert is placed in the Flip diaper shell.  Generally I'm lazy with it and don't bother tucking the insert under the flaps, but that's never been a problem.  The shell still keeps the prefold in place really well.  The diaper then goes on the baby a lot like a disposable does, except that it uses snaps rather than velcro.  I appreciate that, since Steven already knows how to use velcro, but he hasn't figured snaps out yet!

When it's diaper change time, if the diaper is only wet, you can remove the insert and replace it with a clean one, reusing the shell multiple times.  I find that poops generally manage to get on the shell, so the whole thing has to go in the diaper bin (after the poop has been dumped in the toilet).

Speaking of diaper bins, here's mine!  It's an ordinary trash can that came with a removable plastic inner bin.  So when it's laundry time I carry the plastic inner bin that's full of dirty diapers into the laundry room and dump them right into the washing machine, without having to touch anything nasty! 

A recent addition to my diaper stash, thanks to a friend, are some hemp doublers.  Doublers are basically a strip of absorbent fabric that you can add to your insert to make the diaper even more absorbent.  They are particularly nice to use overnight, since it's longer between diaper changes.

I also have a large collection of wipes.  Washable wipes are absolutely necessary if you're using cloth diapers, since you can just dump them into the diaper bin with the soiled diapers, without having to remember to put the wipes in the trash and the diapers in the bin.  I just made my own out of some cheap receiving blankets from the thrift store.  I cut the fabric into squares and used a sewing machine to do a zigzag stitch around the outside of each wipe.  It was that easy!  I keep a little squirt bottle of water on the change table and dampen each wipe when I want to use it.

It's important to avoid using regular diaper creams and lotions when you use cloth diapers, since they get on the diapers and are very hard to wash out.  I just use coconut oil when Steven has a bit of a rash, and it works really well.

Probably the most challenging part of using cloth diapers is figuring out a washing routine that works for your diapers.  There are general guidelines and lots of ideas around the internet, but ultimately it's a matter of trial and error.  There are a lot of factors involved, like the temperature and volume of the water, how hard or soft the water is (which refers to the amount of minerals naturally occurring in the water), the kind and amount of laundry detergent, the kind of washing machine you have, and the kind and number of wash cycles you put the diapers through.

It's possible to buy special laundry detergent that is designed for washing cloth diapers, but that can be very expensive.  Thankfully, regular detergents can work just as well.  The main thing you have to watch out for is that it doesn't have any brighteners in it.  Brighteners work by coating the fabric, and have the added effect of making the fabric water-resistant - not what you're going for with cloth diapers!  It can also be good to avoid dyes and fragrances, since they can be irritating to your baby's skin.  Currently, I use original powdered Tide detergent.  For some reason it works better than anything else I've tried! 

My current washing routine involves filling the washing machine with cold water and soaking the diapers for about 20 minutes or so, then washing them with hot water and detergent, and rinsing them 4 times with warm water.  I think that's probably overdoing it a bit, but in our new house I have to go outside and down a flight of stairs to the basement suite to get to the laundry room.  In our old place I would keep an eye on the wash and when the water of a rinse was clear I knew that the diapers were clean enough, but now I try to minimize the number of times I have to make the trip to the laundry room.  But our landlady is planning to install a washing machine on our main floor, so soon I won't have to make the trek to the basement anymore.  Yay!

I hang the diapers to dry outside if it's nice out and inside if it's raining.  Using the dryer would be faster, but we try to use as little electricity as we can.  Jesse is planning to put up a clothes line for me soon, which will be really nice!

My diaper stash has changed a bit over time, but I am really pleased with the way it's working right now.  I currently have 10 shells and 30 prefolds, which is enough that I only have to wash diapers twice a week.

I had Steven in disposable diapers for the first month or so after he was born, which I do recommend, especially for a first child.  That let me get used to having a baby without also having to get used to cloth diapers at the same time.  When I switched over to cloth, it took me about a week to get used to it, but since then it's felt completely normal.  There's been the odd occasion when I've put Steven in disposable diapers for a couple days, like when he had a rash that got infected and we had to use a prescription cream, so he's maybe had a total of 6 weeks in disposable diapers in his life.  But, interestingly, I had to deal with more leaks and poop explosions in those times than in all of the months he's been in cloth diapers!

When baby #2 comes, I am planning to have him or her in disposable diapers for the first week or two, mainly until we're finished with the black tar newborn poop.  It's nasty.  (I believe the technical name for it is "meconium".  Now you know.)  I still have all of the smaller prefolds from when Steven was little, but I will have to divide the diaper shells between the two kids, so I will have to do laundry a little more frequently until Steven is finished with diapers.  But really, I can only fit so many diapers into my dirty diaper pail anyways, so I think it will work out just fine.

If you're a mom that uses cloth diapers, I'd love to hear about your diaper routine and the kind of diapers you use.  If cloth diapering is something that you're not familiar with, let me know if you have any questions.  Leave a comment below - I'd love to hear from you!


And if you're interested in reading more, check out: Why We Use Cloth Diapers

Why We Use Cloth Diapers

Every parent is faced with the task of deciding how they will spend their time and resources in the task of parenting.  For example, will they make their own baby food (which takes time) or buy premade baby food (which costs more money)?  These kinds of decisions seem to be endless, and everyone has different priorities, resulting in different choices.

Something that has been a priority for me is using cloth diapers.  For those who are interested, I thought I would share a couple of the reasons why.

One reason I use cloth diapers is that in the long run they are cheaper.  I paid about $400 for my current stash of cloth diapers, which is a lot of money up front, but I've been using them for over a year and a half now, and they're still going strong.  I'll be able to use them again for baby #2 and any other possible future babies.  There is the continuing cost of laundry detergent and the water and electricity to wash the diapers, but since we line dry them that additional cost is pretty minimal.

The other primary reason is environmental impact.  I believe that using cloth diapers is significantly better for the environment than disposable diapers.  I've heard the protests before - that cloth diapers use lots of water and electricity, so they're bad too.  It's true that cloth diapers aren't guiltless, but I do think they are the better option.  Something I've learned is that when you want to examine the environmental impact of something, you need to look at the impact of the resources and process used to make the item, the impact of its transport, the impact of its use, and the impact of its disposal.

Cloth diapers come in a range of materials, from synthetic to natural materials like cotton and wool.  Some manufacturing companies are more concerned with sustainability than others, so the materials and process used to make cloth diapers have a range of impact on the environment.  Disposable diapers are made from synthetic materials and chemicals, and a child will go through hundreds of disposable diapers before learning to use a toilet, consuming significantly more resources than a child who uses cloth.

Regarding transport, both cloth and disposable diapers have to be transported over long distances, but overall fewer cloth diapers need to be transported, since they are reused by the buyers.

It's in the "use" category that cloth diapers don't look as good, since they require detergent, water, and electricity in order to be continually used.  Disposable diapers don't require any resources to be used.

However, cloth diapers aren't disposed of.  Instead, they are reused.  Even after a child no longer needs diapers, they can be used again for younger siblings.  There is even a market for used cloth diapers and many parents choose to sell their cloth diapers after they are done having babies (which means they can get back some of the money they invested in the first place).  I've also heard that old cloth diapers make great rags for around the house, since they are so absorbent.  Eventually, once they are completely worn out, cloth diapers are discarded, but only after many years of use. In contrast, every disposable diaper that is used ends up in a landfill. 

So overall, I see that cloth diapers do have a smaller environmental impact than disposable diapers.

There are other benefits to using cloth diapers too.  It lets you avoid exposing your baby to the chemicals that can be found in disposable diapers.  I've heard that children who wear cloth diapers are potty trained faster, since they can feel when their diaper is wet (I guess I'll find out soon - Steven is getting close to that age!).  And with their bright colours and interesting prints, cloth diapers can actually be really cute!

The primary disadvantage of using cloth diapers is the investment of time that it takes.  And it's true, the time that I use doing that extra laundry every week is time that I would rather use doing other things.  But like I said at the beginning, parenthood is filled with choices about how we are going to use our time. Different parents make different choices, but for myself I believe that using cloth diapers is worth the time that it takes me, because of the benefits to my family and the world we live in.


Interested in seeing the kind of cloth diapers I use and what my diaper routine looks like?  Check out Cloth Diapers: Part 2

Bunny for Baby

I actually finished a sewing project!

These days I don't have much time for projects, so actually finishing something is pretty exciting for me.

Before Steven was born, one of the things I did was hand make a teddy bear for him.  So I wanted to make a stuffed animal for our next baby as well.  I still had the pattern I used for making Steven's bear, which included the pattern for a few different kinds of animals, so I decided to make a bunny this time.

I started in June when we were visiting my in-laws in Ontario.  I always find my time in Ontario to be very restful, since I don't have a lot of the daily responsibilities that I normally would at home, and I'm surrounded by eager babysitters.  So it's always a great time to work on some personal projects.

The first challenge was finding material for the bunny.  It's surprisingly hard to find furry material for stuffed animals.  We ended up finding a fluffy blanket wrap thing at a thrift store that had enough material in it that I was able to take apart.  I always like it when I can repurpose things rather than buying new supplies.

I made the decision to hand sew this stuffed animal, like the last one, for a couple of reasons.  I didn't have a sewing machine to use in Ontario, but even if I did, when you use such thick material you need to adjust the tension, have a stronger needle, etc. and that seemed like too much work.  And I also like the extra time and love that goes into hand making something.

The front and back of the bunny.  My favourite place to work on it was sitting in the swinging chair on my in-laws' porch, watching Steven run and play in their huge yard.

I made it about 75% of the way through the project while we were in Ontario.  Once we were back home it was it very hard to find time.  I went a long time without working on it at all.  But I really wanted the bunny to be finished before the baby comes, so over the past couple of weeks I've been able to plug away at it bit by bit, and it slowly came together.

The first milestone was finishing the outer seam and the face, so I could turn it right-side out.

The most arduous part of the process was going around all of the seams and unpicking the "fur" that had been caught.  A very time-consuming task!  But finally it was finished, and I was able to stuff the bunny with the stuffing from an old pillow (the same old pillow that I used to stuff Steven's teddy bear and a crocheted pony that I made - there's a lot of stuffing in a pillow, apparently!).  Then I sewed up the small gap I had left, tied on a ribbon bow, and it was finished!

Baby's bunny with Steven's bear, ready to be best buds!

To see more pictures of other stuffed animals I've made, check out Steven's Cow Bear and the Perfect Pony.