Weakness

Weakness.

It's not something that we like very much. 

We forgive its existence in things that are cute and little, like kittens and babies, but for the most part we look on weakness with a mix of condescension and pity.  Most of all, we can't stand weakness in ourselves.

And it's not surprising.  Everywhere around us it is strength that is praised.  The people who can run the fastest and jump the farthest receive medals and fame.  Those who keep their chin up when life gets tough are inspirational.  The message is clear - don't falter, don't cry, and don't ever ask for help.

Even within the church, strength is placed on a pedestal.  We look up to those great saints who faced impossible odds, who were unshakable in their faith, who faced suffering and persecution with joy and hope.  We aspire to be like them.  We want to be strong in our faith.

I'm weak.

That isn't something that I want as a part of my self-concept.  For most of my life, I would have labeled myself more as "competent", "resourceful", and "talented"... not "weak".  But lately I haven't been able to ignore my weakness.  Most of the summer I've been barely surviving.  My daily tasks were overwhelming, and I felt increasingly exhausted, depressed, and alone.

I don't like feeling weak.

But a couple of days ago I read something that really encouraged me.  I've been sporadically meandering my way through the devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, and the entry for the last day of August was about weakness.  The author writes that God has gifted some with abundant strength, and gifted some with weakness.  Now, weakness isn't exactly the sort of gift that I'd add to my Christmas list, but I was challenged to look at it in a different way, looking for the blessings that come with weakness, rather than the challenges.

Weakness makes me rely on God.  It keeps me aware of my need for him and his presence in each day.  When I'm feeling strong and capable, it's so easy to breeze through my day, doing things my way, without a second thought.  Weakness keeps me coming back to God, asking for his help, and trying to follow his priorities for the day.

Weakness also makes me rely on others.  We are not meant to go through life on our own, but nothing makes that more obvious to me than when I feel weak.  It is because of other people helping me that I made it through this summer.  And it's because of others that I am coping with life right now.  Last week Steven and I both came down with colds.  Trying to care for a sick toddler, while being sick myself, on top of being 39 weeks pregnant and already not coping with life... let's just say it was a recipe for disaster.  But I'm not alone.  I've had so much help this week (especially from my mom and Maria - thank you!) that I am actually feeling more alive than I have in a long time.  When I wake up in the mornings I'm not feeling exhausted, and I actually have a desire to do things and care about things again.

It is hard, and very humbling, to have to ask for help.  We have to fight through the lies that tell us that being weak is bad, that feeling weak means that we are failing.  My friends, it's not true.  Weakness is not failure.  Weakness is a part of being human.  And weakness can lead us to what we need most in life - dependence on our God who loves us, and his presence through the people who are there for us when we need them.