What Is This Feeling?

One day a few weeks ago I noticed a strange feeling.

We were all sick with colds.  Jesse had been busy taking a course and had hardly been around at all, which meant that Steven was acting up and I had my hands even more full than usual.  I still had to do laundry every day.  I still struggled to come up with good ideas for meals, and getting Steven to eat them was even more of a struggle.  I still wasn't getting much sleep at night.   Outwardly, nothing seemed to have really changed for the better.  The usual daily grind was still grinding.

But for some reason I felt really good.

Not physically good, I did have a cold after all, but there was a lightness in my spirit that had been missing for quite a while.  It didn't really make sense to me, but I liked it.

It lasted for maybe half a day.

By the time everything and everyone was settled for the evening, I was stressed and tired.  My life situation hadn't changed for the worse, but it sure felt like it had.

Our emotions are very powerful in shaping our experience.  That morning I felt great, so it seemed like life must be going well.  By the end of the day everything felt like a disaster.  But just because our emotions are saying something doesn't mean that it's true.

That doesn't mean that our emotions aren't important or aren't real.  They are!  The problem is when we use our emotions as the only measure of the reality of a situation.  When I'm feeling stressed and anxious it's so easy to feel like everything is going wrong.  But is that really true?  There certainly are some things that aren't as they should be - the toddler is refusing to fall asleep, the baby threw up all over my shirt, the tenant downstairs is smoking again, filling our home with toxic second-hand smoke.  But there are other realities in that situation too.  The toddler is wanting to cuddle and read together - he loves me and wants to spend time with me.  The baby is feeding and growing well, already doubling his birth weight.  There are new opportunities opening up,  special things to look forward to, and I don't have to do the dishes.

My emotions at any given moment don't show me the whole picture, but they do still tell me something important.  Maybe the stress is reminding me that I haven't taken time off for myself lately, or that I need to do something that gives me joy like getting outside or playing music.  Maybe my anxiety is telling me that something I love (the kids) is being endangered (by the second-hand smoke).  Maybe my anger is telling me that I feel helpless in a situation, or that I've been misunderstod.

So when you feel strong emotions, pause for a moment and ask yourself what they are trying to tell you.  The answer generally won't be a blanket statement like "my life sucks" or "no one appreciates me".  Instead it will be more specific: "I'm feeling anxious that I might not be able to pay rent" or "I need more words of affirmation from people".  These insights are empowering rather than paralyzing - working on a budget is a lot easier than trying to make your life not "suck"!

Still, I often end up making generalized statements about my life based on whatever I am feeling at the time.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  I am slowly learning to see what my emotions are really trying to tell me about what is going on.  When I do that, I understand myself more, I find ways that I can improve, and I get better at appreciating my life, no matter what I'm feeling.