To Do or Not To Do

That is the question.  Or at least it is often the question that I have to ask at this point in my life - with an energetic one year old, and being well into the first trimester of another pregnancy.  Tiredness is a daily reality, and often all that I can manage to do is the bare minimum to get us through the day.  Routine quickly becomes a very good friend, especially our daily nap time.  So when the opportunity arises to do something that you would love to do, but that would affect that routine that gets you through the day, the result is something of a quandary.

That happened today.

Jesse unexpectedly had the day off work, so we decided to go for a short hike with some friends.  It was wonderful to get outside, enjoying the warm sunshine and the beauty of God's creation.  I hardly ever get out much farther than the local park with Steven, so I enjoyed it a lot.  However, we were gone right over nap time.  Steven got more and more tired until he eventually fell asleep in his carrier for a short 15 minute catnap.  When we got home I tried putting him down for a nap even though it was well past his nap time, but of course he wouldn't sleep and got grumpier and clumsier as the rest of the day progressed.  I always have a nap when Steven naps, so I missed my nap time too, as well as getting more exercise than I have been used to lately.  As soon as we got home I felt absolutely exhausted.  But other than a few brief moments on the couch I couldn't really rest - supper had to be made and the overtired toddler didn't want to amuse himself.  We made it through till Steven's bedtime, and now I have curled up on the big red beanbag chair to write this, and I'm asking myself - was it worth it?

Right now it doesn't feel very worth it.  I'm exhausted.  The last few hours of my day were miserable. 

But at the same time, it was so good to go on that hike, to spend time with people, to watch Steven stare in wonder at the waterfall, to watch Jesse teaching him to throw rocks into the river, to get out of the house and out of the city. 

Is it worth it?

I think I'll be asking that question a lot over the next few years.  Sometimes I'll feel like it's worth it.  Sometimes I won't.  I suppose there's a balance, just like most things in life.  There has to be routine that gets you through the day, but there's also a time to forget the routine and get outside and experience more of life.  It helps keep me sane and gives Steven so many opportunities to learn and grow.

Today I am tired.  But I am thankful.