Red: A Canada 150 Reflection

Red.

It used to be my favourite colour.

I think it was because I saw it as a brave colour, a colour of adventure. Narnia's colour is red, after all. I always wished that I could climb into my favourite books and go on a real adventure.

I also liked red because it is Canada's colour.

I grew up with a lot of Canadian pride. At a very young age I was taught our national anthem, our geography, and our history.

When I was eleven my family went on a road trip across Canada, all the way from BC to Newfoundland. I have so many good memories from that trip. We got to see all sorts of interesting things - Niagara Falls, the Canadian Parliament, the Plains of Abraham, Green Gables, L'Anse aux Meadows, Cape Spear, and many other places. We got to appreciate the land and history of our country in a new way. Another year we drove north to the Yukon, and got to experience even more of our great country.

I always liked what I perceived to be Canada's reputation - a nice country, a peaceful country, but don't mess with us because we can take care of ourselves. It's a good country to be from. The Canadian stereotype is endearing, from saying "eh" and "sorry", to hockey, Tim Hortons, and poutine.

I love Canada.

But recently I have also begun to learn that we have a shadow side to our story too.

I've learned about residential schools, where Indigenous children were torn away from their families, abused, and forced to give up their own culture.

I've learned about the unfathomable number of missing and murdered Indigenous women without voices to advocate for them.

I've learned that there are whole Indigenous cultures and languages that are endangered or have become extinct.

I have witnessed a society where injustice continues to flourish, where the gap between the rich and the poor increases, where wealth is sought after and gained at the expense the poor here and across the world and through the careless destruction of the earth.

For those of us who are Christians, it is very important to think about where we belong in this narrative. Our place is not in the marching bands and the marching armies, in the voices that proclaim the glories of colonialism and would trample those who stand against it. We are called to have different values. We belong to a different Kingdom. Our place is with Jesus, among the poor and the outcast, telling the stories of the forgotten and crying out for justice for the oppressed.

Our story is not as simple as we would like to believe.

So as we celebrate Canada's 150th year, remember that this land was home to others long before colonialists from Europe arrived.

As we show pride for our country, remember that the true greatness of a country is shown not in its wealth, its policies, or its achievements in war, but in how it treats the weak, the vulnerable, and the forgotten.

As we look up at our beautiful flag of white and red, remember that there is also red on our hands.

Bedtime Battles: Update 3

It's been a while since I gave an update on the toddler bedtime situation, so I figured it is about time, because believe me, the challenge isn't over!

We kept to our routine for a while, but then, I honestly don't know how it happens, once again we found ourselves with Steven's bedtime routine in shambles. (I blame the second law of thermodynamics.) It got to a point where it was taking hours to get him to fall asleep, and once again we knew that we had to choose something and stick to it if we ever wanted things to get better.

We decided to change things a little bit from what we tried before. This time we keep his door open and one of us sits on a chair by the open door where we can watch him. When he tries to climb out we can intercept him sooner, and being able to see us seemed to encourage him to stay in bed.

We've been trying this for a couple weeks now. At first it worked really well. Unfortunately the novelty wore off after a while and once again he started trying to climb out of bed every five seconds or so. At least, that's what he does for me. He behaves a bit better for Daddy. But at least it generally doesn't take much more than an hour for him to fall asleep. So overall we consider it a success.

I have also started watching at the door for his nap time too, and it works about as well as it does for bedtime.

It's still not a perfect method by any means. Sometimes Steven refuses to sleep for over three hours, and sometimes I get very upset when he keeps trying to get out of bed. If I'm home alone with the kids and Kenneth needs attention at the same time it gets a little challenging. Usually I will plop Kenneth in his crib with a bunch of toys and hope he stays entertained long enough that he won't start crying.

One day bedtimes won't feel like an endless struggle... right?

Currently: Music Choices

Maybe I'm weird, but different kinds of media have always kind of been like friends for me. Basically what I mean is that I have the ones that I know and like, and I gravitate towards those ones. I don't mind making new media "friends", but if given a choice I'll usually choose to "hang out" with something I know I like.

It's like that for movies in particular. I can watch my favourites over and over, and someone usually has to twist my arm before I'll give a new movie a try. While I am more open to reading new novels, if I just want to relax I'll usually reach for an old favourite.

Music is similar too, though a lot of the reason is that I don't have the time or energy to put the effort into finding new music that I like. And I am quite content to listen to my favourites again.

Here's a bit of what I have been listening to lately:

Getting stuff done around the house:
When I'm looking for something upbeat I generally turn on some Needtobreathe, especially their Hard Love album.

Dancing with the kids:
Lately I've enjoyed "rediscovering" and introducing the kids to Michael Mitchell's Canada is for Kids.

Chill background music:
When I'm just hanging out and want some music on, Josh Garrels wins every time.

Calming Music:
When I have a few minutes to myself and need to breathe deeply, I always turn on Handel's Messiah. I especially love "Comfort ye" and "He shall feed".

What have you been listening to lately?

Meditation on John 11:4

The road of life winds uncertain
Round and about the days and years
Each turn leading ever on
Through joys and sorrows unforeseen
Yet wherever the road may lead,
The destination isn't death.

For through the mysteries of time
A quiet word draws back in part
The mist obscuring what's to come
Exposing the lie so thoughtlessly held
About the end to which all paths lead
For they do not lead to death.

And so we need not fear
Though on this journey we may face
Illness grave in body or in mind,
Chance or fate or persecution's fiery embrace
For even if we should die
Still death is not the end.


"But when Jesus heard it he said, 'This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.'" - John 11:4

Baby Kraken

Sometimes when you see something it automatically makes you think of someone. That happened for me when I saw this pattern for a crocheted baby kraken. I know I just had to make one and send it to my friend!

If you want to try it out, you can find the pattern here and I highly recommend it. It's a quick little project that is very rewarding!

Just look at this little guy! He's determined to be fierce, but he is just so cute!

A Passing Grade

Every once in a while I get a new wave of motivation to take better care of myself. It looks different each time. Sometimes it's as simple as trying to take the kids for a walk every day and sometimes it is more complex, like making a list of things to do every day. But one thing is for sure, the attempts generally don't last long. Let's be honest - life is busy! And taking care of yourself takes time and effort, scarce resources when you're faced with the endless demands of the day. And when you do have a few minutes to yourself it's just so much easier to scroll Facebook or watch a movie, so that's often what happens.

But when I don't take care of myself, it starts to take it's toll. I can tell when I haven't had enough sleep or been outside for a while or connected with friends lately because I'm grumpier, I complain more, I feel tired and lonely. Eventually those negative effects build up to a point where I am once again spurred into action.

My latest attempt at taking better care of myself takes the form of a weekly chart that I can use a dry erase marker on to keep track of how well I'm doing. I have seven different daily tasks, including eating three healthy meals, getting outside, and doing stretches. The chart goes from Monday to Saturday, since I figured that Sundays can be my day off. I also included a few weekly items that I would like to try to do at least once in each week. If you add everything up, that totals 50 potential check marks.

I made my chart that way on purpose, because if each check mark counts as two points, it becomes very easy to give myself a grade for each week.

In college I was the kind of student who had to do well. If I ever got a mark that was lower than an A it really bothered me (much to the frustration of certain people in my life). As much as I am proud of my grades, I'm not necessarily proud of my "need" to get good grades. However, I am going to see if I can harness that drive to help in the task of taking better care of myself.

I've included a picture of my first week's chart. I got a total of 28%. Ouch. That's not even a passing grade! If anything can motivate me, that should be able to.

Unlike my college grades, I'm not setting my sights on a perfect GPA. I think my kids would have to be saints for me to have the time and energy to manage that. But I am aiming for a passing grade. We will see how it goes!

Hope

There are a few of my mugs that have a special meaning for me. For example, the one that says "faith" comes from a time when I learned something important about faith. (Interestingly, I received the mug first, rather than getting it afterward as a reminder.) I always think about that lesson whenever I use that mug.

I used to have a mug that said "joy" which was a reminder to live with joy. Sadly, that mug got broken (it wasn't metaphorical at all!) and when my friend offered to buy me a replacement I couldn't find one that said joy, so instead I chose one that said "hope".

There was a period of time when I used that mug as a declaration that no matter how I was feeling, I could still have hope.

There was also a period of time when I didn't want to use that mug.

Sometimes it's hard to see things clearly when you're in the middle of them, but looking back now I can see that I went through a period of time when I really wasn't doing well. Maybe it was postpartum depression. I'm still not sure. But it was rough. Even if I wasn't able to see just how bad it was, I did know that I wasn't doing well. There were even a few times when I did little online questionnaires regarding my mental health, which usually placed me right on the line between "you're probably doing okay but you should take better care of yourself" and "you should go talk to your doctor because you could probably use help". I never did. Maybe it was a bit of pride, an insistence that I was managing, that it wasn't that bad, that I figured I knew what they would say - get more sleep, find more support, etc.

Looking back now, would I have done anything differently? I don't know, actually. But there is one thing I wish I could have told myself: this isn't going to last forever. I don't even know when it started changing, but one day I noticed that things were different. I was having more good days than bad days. I actually loved being with my kids and taking care of them. I had a song in my heart again.

Now I drink from my hope mug, and it's like a declaration of victory. All throughout that hard season, there was still hope. For every person I know, every person I meet, there is still hope. Seeing the contrast between where I was and where I am now, it's hard to express my thankfulness. Sometimes I almost feel giddy from how much I love my life. It's crazy and unbelievable and wonderful.

There will still be hard days and seasons. That's inevitable. But there will also still be hope.