The Ups and Downs

Do you ever feel that when everything is going well all of life is amazing, but when you're feeling down or depressed everything is awful?

I've been feeling pretty up-and-down the past few days.  We got back home from a wonderful two weeks away visiting my in-laws, which involved me having next to no responsibilities or things I had to do.  I got to sleep in, write, work on little projects, help with a puzzle (I hadn't had a chance to work on a puzzle in ages!), go for walks by myself, and overall have a wonderful time of rest.  Now we're home, and once again I am faced with the endless dishes, laundry, and cleaning that come with the job of "mommy".  Steven is being a handful, since he is used to all of the attention that his grandparents and aunties could provide.  We are all having to adjust to the time change.  And we still have so much to do to settle into our new home.  It's been pretty overwhelming.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, tired, and depressed, that feeling seems to encompass everything.  It's hard to see the blessings and the joys in life.  It feels like it has always been that way, and will always be that way.  It's hard to remember that this is just a season, and that even a good night's sleep can make a world of difference.

A short poem I wrote last night sums up what that emotional state is like for me:

Night is around me again
Blackness permeating everything.
Did I just imagine
The music and flowers
The sunlight that warmed me?
If this is reality
Can I keep dreaming?

But then this morning, I wasn't feeling so bad.  Sitting in the sunshine in our yard, watching Jesse cut the lawn, and Steven pushing a toy around pretending to cut the lawn like daddy, I felt like life was pretty good.  There has been several ups and downs today since then, each bringing with them the feeling that everything is awful, or that things are actually pretty good.

And this is actually pretty normal.  It's part of how the human mind works.  When we are feeling sad, it's easier for us to remember other sad memories.  When we are happy it's easier for us to remember other happy memories.  But even though I know about that, when I'm feeling down it's so hard to keep things in their proper perspective.  The emotion encompasses everything and it's hard to see the bigger picture.

It's a challenge.  But it's something I'm working on.