Trust

I had a great experience last week: I got to hear my baby’s heartbeat.  The midwife said that it sounded good and strong.  It was encouraging to get the positive report, and hearing the heartbeat added another depth of reality to the fact that we’ve got a little one on the way!  Reflecting on the experience since then, I thought that this would be a good opportunity to share about something that I have been reflecting on a lot lately.  Being an expectant mother for the first time has given me a new perspective on trust.

Here is why:  In normal, every-day life, I don’t get to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  All I have is a slowly expanding waistline to tell me that everything is ok in there.  Sometimes it is easy to wonder and worry.  Is he or she healthy and growing properly?  Some days I get to know, but most days there isn’t anyone checking in to make sure. 

I do a lot of reading on the internet about pregnancy, and I’ve enjoyed getting more information, but one thing that I found surprising is that there are some expecting mothers who buy for themselves the instrument that lets you hear the baby’s heartbeat, so that they can hear it any time they want.  I think that would be amazing – to be able to hear my baby’s heartbeat any time I want, and to know that it’s doing ok.  But then I had to ask myself – what about trust?

This child belongs to God, the Father of all, even more than he or she belongs to me.  While I can do what I can for my baby, ultimately God is the one who will protect them and watch over them as they grow.  And that will always be the case, not just now. 

I feel like there is a stereotype out there – the worrying mom.  And it’s not really surprising; there’s lots for mothers to worry about!  Wondering about what is happening inside me is just the beginning.

There’s a lot to worry about in this life without being a mother – my vivid imagination leaves me no doubt about that.  The struggle against fear/anxiety/worry has been a pretty consistent theme in my life, and I have a feeling I’m not the only one.  I want to be a person of prayer and faith, not worry.  Some days it feels like a losing battle, but looking back I am encouraged to see progress and growth.

There are always opportunities for growth.  Most recently, I’ve been learning to trust God with the safety of my wonderful – and adventure-loving – husband.  There are lots of reasons to worry when he’s out on his mountain treks and other outdoor adventures, but I have found that lifting him up in prayer and then carrying on with my day is much more life-giving than fretting and worrying.  And he has always been ok, despite the occasional mishap, whether from a car-size falling boulder or a malfunctioning GPS. 

And now there is a new arena in my life in which to learn trust – a child.  From wondering about the miracle going on inside me, to the day they leave for college and beyond, I am sure that I will have many new opportunities of learning trust.  It’s a little daunting, but I am also excited.  And I am very thankful for a patient God and a loving husband (who is much more optimistic than I am).  It is my prayer and desire that I will not become known as a worrying mother, but as a praying mother and a trusting mother.