I went back and read the first few entries in my journal. They are a window into the person I was back then. They describe the struggles of starting at a new school. They describe the classes I was in and what I was learning about. They describe making friends and hanging out with people like Lisi and Josh and Vicky. They describe meeting a guy named Jesse. They describe finding out that my mom had cancer.
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| There it is, for the record—the day I met Jesse. |
So much has changed in those six and a half years. I fell in love and got married. I completed my degree with the highest GPA in my graduating class. We had two kids. Our family has grown in other ways too—we've had eight different people live with us at one time or another, and most of them we still consider to be part of our family. Over these past six and a half years I grew in my understanding of God and the importance of community, peace, and creation care. I started blogging, started going to a new church, started leading a worship team, and started my own garden. I found freedom from a lot of the fear that used to paralyze me. I'm not the same girl I was back then, but at the same time I am the same girl. I love the wind. I love writing and playing piano. I love hiking and hot chocolate and deep conversations. I'm still a nerd. I've grown up a little, but I don't think I've grown up too much.
Looking back through my journal, I see that there have been seasons when I wrote a lot, and seasons when I wrote very little. It appears that I generally end up journaling either when there is something going on that I am very excited about, or when I am really struggling. (So if you ever notice me journaling, have fun guessing which one it is at the moment!) Going back over my journal is a very interesting journey, as it highlights some of my most enthusiastic obsessions and deepest lows. Those pages contain tears and prayers and hopes and dreams, angry ranting and excited gushing.
I have a new journal now. It's one that Jesse gave me quite a while ago. I am excited to start using it, but almost a little intimidated. Its pages are so white and clean and new. I guess we'll see what the next six and a half years have in store!
