Not My Thing

You know how different people enjoy working with different age groups?  Some people adore babies, some are passionate about young adults, others love spending time with seniors.

Well, I'm not a little kid person.

I know some people love babies and little kids.  They could sing the wheels on the bus or play peekaboo for hours.  But that's just not my thing.  Never has been.  When I was a teenager I avoided babysitting jobs whenever possible.  (Thankfully I had a younger sister to pawn them off on.)  I volunteered with Sunday School and kids' groups, but with the older kids.  It's not that I dislike little kids, I just don't particularly connect with them or enjoy taking care of them.

Currently, my full time job is looking after my 1.5 year old and getting ready to welcome kid #2 in just a few short weeks.  Yeah.  Let's just say that I'm not exactly operating in my "strengths" these days.

And don't get me wrong - I love my family, and I believe that being present in these formative years is very important, but man some days it is so hard to not be doing what I love to do.

I love learning and studying and challenging my mind.  I love teaching, especially history, music, and science.  I love directing theatre productions, challenging my cast and crew to grow in their talents and skills.  I love sewing and crafting and baking and canning and doing whatever I can to make our life as ethical and sustainable as possible.  I love the thrill of finding the solution to a challenging puzzle or math problem.  I love spending hours outside in a peaceful little nook, writing out my thoughts and feelings through poetry and prose.  There is so much more I love to do, and I hardly ever have a chance to do any of it.

Currently my days are comprised of dirty diapers, dishes, laundry, assisting in dumping rocks in and out of buckets, following the leader around and around the coffee table until I get dizzy, and dozens of other mindless, repetitive things.  I try really hard to make each day meaningful and interesting, but it's so easy to feel discouraged.  I know it's just a stage in my life, but it feels like it's going to last forever.

So why am I writing about this?  I'm not really sure.  In some ways it feels a bit like a confession, because I often feel guilty for how much I struggle with this chapter in my life.  But I hope that in some way I have been able to encourage you through sharing my struggle.  You see, it's so easy to look around and feel like everyone else is doing ok.  We scroll through Facebook and other social media, looking at the highlights of everyone else's lives.  They look so happy, so content, so put together and successful.  And we feel even worse about ourselves, as we struggle through our day.  We feel very alone.

If you are struggling with the chapter of life that you are in right now, I want to encourage you that you are not alone.  I'm struggling too.  For me, many days just feel like one more thing to endure on my way to a time when once again I'll get to do things that I love and feel like I'm good at.  Maybe your struggle is that you feel stuck doing something that isn't your thing.  Maybe it's a different kind of struggle.  But you're still not alone.

This season in my life is a challenging one for me.  But all the best stories have hard chapters.  While we're in those hard chapters, let's try together to live to the best of our ability, making every page count as we look forward to what might be coming next.